The Great Salt Lake Cow Pansnip: How to Deal With An ‘Ongoing Problem’

There are times when a nice, bright yellow seems like it just screams “WOW,” but then there’s a more subtle color that could say, “Uh, no.” Yes, it’s that major winter attraction, The Great Salt Lake Cow Pansnip.

Be warned, these are real. Pansnips appear green, purple, or some other mishmash, but these are real cowskins. Please do not go and play on them — they want to be treated like real people. That includes getting treated like filthy, disgusting corpses. That includes being eaten alive and eaten up.

Apparently cows are coldblooded and don’t like too much heat.

Unfortunately, these neighborhood killers have been plaguing residential neighborhoods in Orem and Provo, Utah, for decades.

Fortunately, according to The Sunlight Foundation, this is now getting the city’s attention.

We are reporting on the city’s agreement to crack down on the illegal watering of the City and County Park Trust Lands. Some residents there are concerned. However, the Department of Public Works Commissioner has vowed to work with the city of Orem and the other cities in the region to address this as a priority. Communities at risk of potential contamination to drinking water, proper disposal of dead cows, and the depletion of the renewable wildlife habitat have all voiced concern. In addition, the [city] Council has approved a committee to investigate ways to determine the area that may be affected. Hopefully this will help to expedite this work by reducing the amount of rain we have to irrigate those areas.

Just to reiterate, these cows are more than the picture you just saw. They are actual cows that have been dosed with ammonium perchlorate to give them glowing colors. They’re most often found near where you stand and have been for decades.

Be careful when you’re walking in these areas, people. These things are really going to get you.

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